By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
