it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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