Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
