38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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