...so i touched it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
