There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
