I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
