Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My breasts were aching with rage.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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