remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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