If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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