I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
