We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
