It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
