I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
