If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
