Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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