I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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