I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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