but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
