a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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