I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
They left me at home... I'm a liability
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
