she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
