That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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