I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
