ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize