She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
