It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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