how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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