I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
