yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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