i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
