Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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