The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Less talking, more tequila
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
