No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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