Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
