The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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