you guys were way drunker than both of me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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