I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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