so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
only if we run a train.
done.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
