she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
