you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
