she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
