I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My cat gives me a boner
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
