I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
