"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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