he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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