Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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