i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
