shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
