I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
