cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
