There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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