SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
