Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
