I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
