There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
