At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
