Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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