Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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