fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
