BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
that may or may not have been my penis.
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