I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
