im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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