No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
