I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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