you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
