I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
