my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How's work?
Spinning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My feet surprised me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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