No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
