1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
