I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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