I skipped work to stalk him.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
