This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
